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14 October 2017

Your Mental Health is Important.

Your mental health is important. Reiterating these words may appear pointless to some, but I cannot emphasize this enough. Your mental health is important.

These past several weeks: headaches throbbing due to the lack of water. Quiet coffee shop sessions featuring two introverts trying to start a conversation turned awkward. Four days in a row eating dinner skimpily. Lunches spent in solidarity without the company of friends. There are days I’d wake up feigning away exhaustion heavy as the feeling in my chest and just want the days to end as early as they’ve started. And yes, I’ve broke down crying multiple times. All I’ve been holding on to are the sparse moments with friends, snippets of volunteering and slam poetry and just laughing and crying and going through this perpetuating cycle.

Today, my footing has stepped into place. My college applications have been reigned in, I sent in scholarships, and perhaps I’m understanding what’s been going on in one of my toughest classes these past several weeks. I’ve talked to people fervently and visited friends, refracting different colors. My expressions are bright and iridescent so everyone can see the struggles. Here are reminders that’s good to be reminded every once in a while:

// It’s okay to say everything is not okay. Society tells us to dictate, to “suck it up, buttercup. Bottle it up.” I am telling you right now, this may be a great solution short term, but keeping your problems inhibited and not acknowledging them may make things worse. You have the choice of knowing what defines you, and what is weighing you down right now, know this does not. You have that choice. Let the armor fall, allow your skin to touch the air, however harsh it may be. Wrap yourself up in warm blankets fresh out of the dryer and just feel comfortable. Let go of the baggage. Go contact a friend or mentor and just hash out everything with them. 

// With that said, it’s okay to cry.I won’t rehash out this out, but if you’d like to hear my thoughts on the subject, there’s a post about it in the archives.

// There is no shame in having to drop events or itinerary to-dos. Come back and work at full capacity when you’re ready to do so. Doing things without your full best effort, while laudable, isn’t the best. In fact, just let all expectations go and just move through life allowing wiggle room to be surprised / shocked / out-of-schedule.

// Know that you are entitled to having free days to just relax. For me, those days consist of going out by myself to places with a lot of people, just basking in all of the chatter around me, and bringing something rejuvenating for me to do. That may be simple as visiting a book store or going out and walking around the woods, marveling at the leaves. Again, another post here.

// Lastly, take care of yourself. This is you. You may be fifteen or twenty, or perhaps an adult approaching their middle years. Maybe you’re even eight, but know this: you have only one body and one mind in this life, so take care of it. Don’t let stress overrun you. Drink water. Sleep well.

Perhaps a few may be tired about the same sayings coming out from my mouth, but they are universal. Struggles will always come around. I want to be real about the things that I go through. My classes may say ups equal the downs, and they’re right.

To days to be good to yourself.

30 September 2017

September Round Up // Awkward Teachers & Buttons

September's been a crazy month, friends! A ton of things have happened this month, and it's all flown by so fast, just as the slices of cake that's been devoured by my family for quite sometime. This a new series I'm going to try to do, mainly because these next several months will be busy and I won't be able to write as many full blog posts about recent events as I'd like, although I'll try my best.

// Went to homecoming for the first time. I may have slightly procrastinated in going to school dances, but a lot of the time legitimate reasons popped up, mostly revolving around musical theatre. It’s honestly super fun to have the Spanish exchange guys to go and scream in the middle of your dance circle because they think something cool is happening due to our group just chanting really loud with the music. What’s really cool is being crowded behind a ton of sweaty bodies all jumping (because face it, NO ONE knows how to dance) with everyone singing aloud to “Don’t Stop Believing.”

// Playing Scrabble against the Spanish kids and them (accidentally) thinking I’m a native speaker??? The day before they left (as they’re from Spain) converged with Mexico’s Independence Day, so those two events lead to having a board game day, where this guy and I played the game against two exchanged but with Spanish words. I hadn’t played the game since I was six, so I was slow, but I kept hashing out consistently these long Spanish words I knew to the point the two girls we played against kept shouting at me and I just sat there really awkward.

Friend two seconds before saying, "Turn your hair around like a hair commercial!"

// Taking senior photos! My friends and I decided to take photos on a limb so I dragged them to the forest near my house and we kept throwing leaves up into the air and jumping up unstable tree trunks on a curved hill. As for me, I wandered around different towns near by to take photos. In fact, the cover photo from my previous post is a shot of that.

// Squealing in front of the teachers??? On accident? I had been looking for something that day and was not feeling okay as I went through the halls looking in the ground. As I was heading back to third hour, three language teachers kept blocking the door. My science teacher last year came by walking with his coffee mug, and my brain, still out of it, automatically assumes his coffee mug is aimed at my face so I squeal and rush back inside. This was not the mortifying part, no: not only did I get a talk down about how I wasn’t scared of my former APES teacher, but the language arts teachers then start to mimic how I looked and sounded walking into the classroom in front of me, hands in their head, leg popped up bent and making weird squealing noises. Never again do I want to see something like that.

// Volunteering! I helped out at a civics fair in town using a button maker and I guess people are impressed by it. It’s incredibly awkward to go out and have so many local organizations and news reporters video recording you that I literally squeaked, “I am the mighty button maker.”

// My birthday. I’ve officially Lieseled? And it’s a weird feeling? I still can’t comprehend that I’m seventeen! I starting this blog when I was still twelve! Agh!

// Book festival! There’s going to be a much greater elaboration post on this, but I was tons of fun! I can’t spell any of the words from The Mortal Instruments right, but give me Harry Potter and I’ll rock against the competition.

// School! Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but my classes are posing a challenge and I can tell you I’m often more stressed than I am relaxing. The terrible jokes in Physics and Calc have been helping me out.

// A girl spilled her breakfast, mashed chocolate bananas, in the bathroom, and combine that with toilets and it looks like someone threw up, so I stood their gagging until I helped her clean up.

// Nothing much else, really...

Let's explore the woods, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

It’s been the number one factor why my posts have been so limited. I’ve been working on Cahira and the Ghosts plus some other projects for a time now and besides school and college, those projects are my main priority thus placing blogging on the back burner. I have some upcoming writing deadlines soon I’m exceptionally nervous about, so please bear with me? I’ll try to reply to comments by the end of this weekend though.

// There’s a playlist with some dated songs that’s been on repeat not because of nostalgia, but instead the calming feel that’s associated with studying. My favorite tracks are “Poet, Solider, King,” by the Oh Hellos and “1234” by Colony House. Other than that, I’ve listened to some older Bruno Mars, Lorde’s Melodrama and more people.

// Reread The Lunar Chronicles which I haven’t read since the end of my freshman year, and now I’m a senior??? LIFE GOES BY SO FAST.

// Watched You’ve Got Mail, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Jackie, La La Land, and Sherlock Holmes, a stark contrast to what I usually watch mostly because the past Fridays consisted of my grandmother and I being the only members present in our house while everyone else is out partying or watching a movie out. I can’t help but sing “Moon River” aloud because it’s such a good song! Also rewatched some of Stranger Things to prep for season two and started watching Friends for the first time.

I’ve solidified most of my universities. This month has been impeccably busy getting my footing with my classes, so a lot of the time really consisted on just focusing on that. Thank goodness I did a huge chunk of my college applications over the summer or I would have been melting under the mess of stress I’ve created for myself! I’ll be doing some Senior Sunday posts just revolving about what I’ve been doing for that (along with some weird things I’ve learned along the way) just to help with people who may be going through the process in the future so keep an eye out!

How is your September? Are you excited for fall to get into full blossom? Seniors, are you excited for these next several months (and if you're not, still contact me for a collab because I have ideas)? Is everyone ready for NaNoWriMo (which is in about a month, ahhh)?